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Jon-Gosselin-20091008210437Never have my editorial skills seemed more valuable.

Seriously.

Until today, I had no idea that one’s fathering skills could be dependent upon one’s abilities to proofread.

But apparently, such is the case for Jon Gosselin.

I admit that I’m not a fan of the TLC show, although I do know that it has been recently renamed Kate Plus 8, as Jon’s name has been stricken from the title. And speaking of names…

Today I saw a news report (on one of those oh-so distinguished entertainment programs) that claimed Jon nearly ruined his daughters’ birthday.

Apparently the twin Gosselin girls just turned nine, and when daddy showed up with the cake, it wished a happy birthday to “Maddy.” Which, as every good father should know, is not how Mady spells her name!

But this entertainment program didn’t stop there. They went and interviewed the owner of the cake shop—where cameras caught Jon picking up the cake. And this cake shop owner, in a voice that seemed to mock the stupidity of the terrible father, said that Jon held the cake for almost four minutes and he never noticed that the name was misspelled.

She didn’t say anything about her workers misspelling the name in the first place. But then again, maybe it wasn’t their fault. Maybe Jon, being such a terrible father and all, misspelled Mady’s name when he placed the order. But wait, the cake shop owner said that the order was actually placed by “Entertainment Something.” (Presumably, Entertainment Tonight, although apparently an ET rep claimed it wasn’t them—but really, who knows and who cares?)

Duh, any father worth his salt should know how to spell his daughter’s name. And when he goes to pick up her cake, while being hounded by paparazzi and paying for a cake that he didn’t order, of course the first thing he should notice is the offending “d” scripted in icing and encircled by an elaborate wreath of decorative flowers.

Give me a break. After nine years, I have a feeling he knows how to spell Mady’s name. A proofreader would have caught the mistake…probably. Should he have noticed? Eh, who cares?

You know who probably doesn’t care? Mady. (Or Maddy.) I was nine years old once, and if Daddy showed up carrying a cake on my birthday, I would have been happy. I can’t imagine interrupting the singing to cry about my name being misspelled. Even if it bothered me, I’m pretty sure I’d get over it after one bite.

Maybe Jon Gosselin is a terrible father. I don’t know and don’t care. But, even if he is a bad father (have I mentioned that I really don’t care?), this misspelled cake “fiasco” doesn’t prove it.

But Jon, if you want to make it up to your kids by hiring a proofreader so you can be a better father from now on, my services are available. (I wouldn’t mind getting a piece of that $200k that Kate is claiming you took from your shared account…which, for the record, I also don’t care about.)

And if you misspell my name on the checks, I’ll make sure “Entertainment Something” never finds out about it—as long as the bank still cashes them.

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5 Comments

  1. This is why I don’t have children (well, not really). On bad days, I misspell my *own* name. (I’ll be signing a check, and I just sort get lulled into that false zen-state that the loops of cursive lower-case Ns give me. And before I know it, the N has become a series of Ms, and I’ve signed for someone whose first name is “Bethammmmy.” The bank still cashes those checks.)
    When I have kids, I’m giving them all single letter names, so I always remember how to spell them (no Ns or Ms though).

    • Bethammmmy,

      Thanks for the comment. And I know what you mean. At times, I’ve crossed the “l” in my first and/or last name, rechristening myself “Tyter Chartes.”

      Not only that, but people always reverse my name, so I often answer to Charles. And one professor at IWU even started calling me Charlie in passing, and I just let it slide.

      So maybe neither one of us is fit to have kids.

  2. You don’t know what it’s like to have a name that gets misspelled ALL THE TIME. So yeah, if my name was spelled wrong, I would have put up a hissy fit. Even at 9 years old (since I had been doing it since I knew how to spell my name…).

    Ok, maybe not, but “come on!”

    Oh, and a couple days ago I put on my Seta tribe shirt. And I smiled.

    • Nathanael,

      I was going to spell your name incorrectly above, but I refrained. Mostly because I didn’t want to prompt a hissy fit.

      When you referenced your “Seta tribe” shirt, for some reason I immediately pictured you in those disgusting tribal sweatpants you used to wear (and probably still do, if your wife hasn’t burned them yet).

  3. You know your daddy takes spelling seriously and would neither misspell nor miss correcting a misspelled word, even on a cake. BUT if they offered him a DISCOUNT because the cake said “Happy Birthday, Tyter”….


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